Terrified

Dude , I like you . But I'm not sure if I love you . It's like I don't feel any .. ( Idk how to explain this feeling ) when I'm with you or something . But I do really really really like you . I'm just fucking not sure that should I love you not .
As y'know , I love to like people who are not from my school . That's the point , and the problem .
You've asked how long can we last and I can only promise you I'll try my best to make us last more than a year .
I just , don't know do you feel the same for me .
You're a guy that I could just hardly find , like one in a million ?
People used to say it's too early to fall in love or something , so I'm trying not .
And I'm doubting , should I or shouldn't i , about the Christmas thing . ( If you read this you
'll probably know what I mean )
I don't express my feelings and emotions easily , I expressed it through writing . So yeah .
I'm afraid that you don't trust me or something because I have quite a lot of close friends who are boys . It's like . I have a lot a lot a lot to tell you about my feelings but idk how should I tell you one by one .
I wish you could really understand how I feel .
Remember I said I'm not gonna talk to you for the whole night ? I'm fighting the urge NOT to text you . But I failed , and I'm afraid you'll feel bad or smth . You probably think we have nothing to talk about or smth , but it's just my character , I'm used to be very very quiet . ( Tho I might be listed as 'CRAZY' outside ) but I'm really not when I'm alone . AND IM NOT BEING EMO NOW . It's a long story and I've told you so yeah . Forgive me .

Please understand me and make my wish come true , I like you . I really really do , and I love you .